On Girlfriends and Thesis Guides
Chaitanya S Guttikar *
This article describes the uncanny congruences between the way a
relationship develops between a boy & a girl and a Grad student & his/her
thesis guide. We assume that the graduate student is from Mathematics/
Physics departments or other departments where he/she is not already
associated with a thesis guide before he/she joins the Grad school. For
the anologies between such adviser student relationships and arranged marriages, see [G].
To make the anology clear let G denote a (possibly prospective) thesis
Guide or a prospective partner and let S denote a grad student/boy/girl who
wants this person G as his/her guide/partner. For simplicity, we will
assume that G is a female and S is a male throughout this discussion,
although, the reader can easily varify that the analysis given below
applies to all possible sex combinations of G and S.
The data** reflects that the process goes approximately like this:
Step 1: S gets impressed by some/all aspects of G and decides that
this is the person of his dreams and starts flirting with the idea of
approaching G.
Step 2: S soon realizes that he lacks the courage. G is too good for
him. Decides to become a stud in whatever way he can (e.g. by aquiring
knowledge of 'n' number of things) so that G will be impressed or at
least will pay attention.
Step 3: S has no clue what exactly will impress G since G is just too good.
Another person S', who has been through this process and has got a G' of
his dreams, counsels that S is already impressive enough and if he doesn't
at least start "flirting" with G, he will never have a chance, especially
because there are so many other S" dreaming about G...
Step 4: Taking the counsel, S gathers up courage to start flirting with G.
As he enters the room, G is sitting there, possitively impressive.
In a very courtious and friendly manner, G smiles. S tries to smile.
Then some discussion takes place which S cannot remember afterwards.
All he remembers is that he was dumb and didn't know what to say to most of
the things and still G didn't seem to be as annoyed as he had expected. May
be, this sort of encounter is a rountine for G... But alteast, G said
"we could meet again sometime". There is still hope.
Step 5: Then follow many meetings in which G and S get to know each other
better. S realizes that, though G is very impressive and still the person
of his dreams, G is still human. And that they seem to share the same
excitement about certain things and that .....
Step 6: Meanwhile, S has also started flirting with other G's. After some
time, he decides that a particular G is better than all other Gs for him
and decides to go ahead with this particular G, keeping the other Gs as
fallback options. From now on G will denote this particular G.
Step 7: Still, S doesn't have enough courage to "propose". What if G is
just being friendly and doesn't have any other intentions. meanwhile, G is
wondering,"When is this guy going to ask me ? I have been giving so many
hints that I am going to say 'YES', but he just doesn't understand. We
could get down to more interesting/practical things once we have sorted
this out."
Step 8: Social pressures*** start building up on S. He cannot procrastinate
any longer. He has to do it - Now or Never. He decides that he doesn't
want to do it when there are many people arround so it's best to ask G if
S could come to G's room sometime... G says "YES anytime, How about
tomorrow at ..." Anxiety has reached it's climax when S enters G's room.
G is sitting there, smiling as usual. S is in no mood/state to smile.
Marshalling the very little of valour that is left in him, he fumbles
"Will you be my ....". A second passes in which G, who was reclining in
the chair gets up and goes to the cabinet. S sees it as if everything is
happening in slow motion, why is G taking an eternity to answer, I am
going to burst in a moment if he doesn't answer, I am sure it's a NO, but
say it, let's get over with it... G turns, (very slowly according to S),
and says "YES ofcourse". S is not sure if he heard correctly. But he did.
Further Directions for research:
Although the dynamics of the process of both these processes is by now well understood, an analysis and
satisfactory explaination of why these congruences exist, is still lacking. It could lead to a better understanding of
both the species "Girlfriends" and "Advisers" and bring some predictability and order to the situation.
* This paper has been inspired by very useful discussions with Louis-Pierre Arguin and Sairam Subramanian.
** A sample of 20 graduate students from Math/Physics departments
of various graduate schools arround the Continental USA was used. The male
to female sex ratio in this sample was 14:6 so the results represent the males
better than the females.
*** The term Social pressure represents one or more of the many contraints that
shape a graduate student's life, e.g. Funding, girlfriend, girlfriend's parents, ego and
self respect etc. For a more exhaustive list, refer to the appendix I at the end of [SG].
References:
[A] Arguin, Louis-Pierre,
Princeton Journal of Graduate Student life, 2003.
[AG] Arguin, Louis-Pierre and Guttikar, Chaitanya S., "On Wine, Women and
Wisdom", Preprint, arXiv.HS.2003765545.
[G] Guttikar, Chaitanya S.,
engineering disciplines and congruences with Arranged Marriages in India"
Journal of South Asian Graduates' Association (JSAGA), December 2003.
[GS] Guttikar, Chaitanya S. and Subramanian, Sairam,
published by Society for the Welfare of Grad Students Getting Married and Just Marrieds (SWGSGMJM), May 2003.
